Blog of Rage

Fucks who write letters to newspapers

2006-04-10T20:51:00.000+10:00

Occasionally, you'll get an interesting opinion piece in the opinion pages of a paper. Most of the shit they print there is utter fucking shite. The worst offenders are those fucking tabloids. In a broadsheet you may get someone attempting to start a debate on, say, mental health funding. In those arsewipe tabloids you'll get barely literate asshats writing in about "the youth of today" or "why can't the trains run on time and also stop right outside my house but not make any noise" or even shit like "why don't people give up their seat for me?" rubbish.

Listen up you fuckwits: no one gives a shit about your pathetic opinions. Your opinions are fucking crap. Just because you can stop drolling long enough to put the spastic thoughts of yours to a piece of paper with your turd-proof big crayons is no fucking reason to do so. Rather, bang your head into a fucking wall: it will do more good.

Anyone who wants to complain I am being some intellectual elitist can get fucked.

Petty fights in comment sections on blogs

2006-04-05T20:20:00.000+10:00

vs

and others..

Because of the photos the formatting may be a bit fucked. If it troubles you in any waythen fuck off.

Having spats in the comments of blogs over tiny shit: not enough of it. You all fucking hate each other, admit it. Now get to work pumping out the fucking hatred.

(Harrow, if it helps, hatred is fucking beautiful).

Tofu

2006-03-30T10:29:00.000+11:00

Fucking tofu is one of the, if not the, fucking worst food on earth. It's fucking horrible stuff and anyone who thinks I am going to eat it can get fucked. I fully support this call to recognise tofu as the fucking spawn of the devil. Fucking slimy shit it is.

Big Posts

2006-03-30T10:21:00.000+11:00

Even given that I wrote the fuck...too fucking much to read. Fucking verbosity is shit.

Over Officious fucks

2006-03-30T09:49:00.000+11:00

Well, fuck me if its been a while since I posted. Life and all that, you know. Sucks up my fucking time. If anyone has an issue with it, please kindly forward your complain to fuck@off.

Anyway, it is no surprise to many of my readers (the fucking few that are left...) that I live in Melbourne. Melbourne is one of the greatest cities in the world, easily the best metropolis in Australia. Sydney can get fucked. All it has is a few iconic structures in the middle of a fucking swamp of fucked up tools. Don't believe me? Try visiting sometime.

Recently, Melbourne has hosted the Commonwealth Games. Now, they were a lot of fucking fun, and all, but they called for the recruitment of thousands of voluntees. The so called fucking Smurfs, cos of their blue uniform and shit like that. And they were all fucking midgets.

Some of these smurfs got a little fucking power crazy. Due to some events, the roads were sealed in my part of town. Fair enough. So they set up these fucking crossing points for you to corss the fucking road. They were divided into two halves - for each crossing direction, but the fuckers were quiet when I was using them. Still, simply because this is what some of the fucks were told to do, I had to enter and exit via the left side. Understandable when the traffic is heavy, pointless when it isn't.

So, quiet road, just me crossing. What do some of these over important shitheads do? Direct me to go to the fucking left side, even when the right side is easier for everone. One fat blue fuck even stood in front of me and forced me to go over to the otherside, probable cos it made him feel like a big man - instead of the fat fuck he was.

All that was needed was a little common sense. Not some melgomanic, jumped up, little fuckwits.

South African Cricket

2006-03-19T00:37:00.000+11:00

You win the "greatest" ODI ever and then you let fucking Stuart Clark take 9 wickets in the match? You can make fucking 438 runs in 50 overs but then collapse for 205 and 197 in the next test? What the fuck is that? The whole fucking side, and country, is for the tip.

People who think the inclusion of Stuart MacGill would change things

2006-03-17T09:24:00.000+11:00

"We'd have won [insert match/series here] if MacGill was playing!" Fucking bollocks. Utter fucking shite. Could he create peace in the Middle East or cure cancer? Fuck no. But aparently he would have made it all different, he fucking would have.

Fuck off with that shite.

Arty opening ceremonies

2006-03-17T09:05:00.000+11:00

What the fuck is with overly arty opening ceremonies? Why the fuck do we need some fucking sotry, told through art? What ever happened to letting the athletes come out, doing the ceremonial shit and getting the fuck on with business? People shouldn't need to grap "the meaning" of some passage of a ceremony - it's not a fucking opera. Memo to all "artistic directors": if the fucking public doesn't understand what the fuck you're on about then it isn't them. It's fucking you.

The fireworks were fucking cool, though.

Mick Lewis

2006-03-14T09:17:00.000+11:00

Fucking disgraceful. You claimed a record that Muralithuran should have gone to his grave with. I don't give a shit of the fucking pitch was as lifeless as Price Phillip. 113 runs off 10 overs if fucking inexcusable.

Your fucking ODI career is for the tip.

Seat warming whingers

2006-03-06T15:08:00.000+11:00

I've been reluctant to post anyting since my post on that fucking frog - I think that that was my best work ever, for fucking everything. Something finally shitted me off enough to post again...

What type of old geazer whinges because he has to move desk? One of the sad fucks in my office. That's who. I won't go into the full story now: I'll save it for another time. The fucking upshot is this. Some whinging bastard starts whinging right in front of me because I "stole" his desk at work. Accused me of fucking lying to get it. What a fucking tool.

Seriously, the fucker is into his 50s, I'm guessing. And the thing he's worried about most is where he is sitting for the few hours of the fucking day he actually comes into the office. Not even his fucked up prostate and the fact he can't get it up any more rate higher on his irks scale it seems. Fucking old geazer, when will the world see the virtues of my call to euthanise spastics like that?

Fucking Crazy Frog

2006-02-24T21:04:00.000+11:00

To the person(s) who thought of this shit, fuck you.
To the person(s) who made the animation, fuck you.
To the person(s) who thought of making you into a ringtone, fuck you in a big fucking way.
To all the worldwide Jamster Mobile clubs, fuck you.
To Axel F, fuck you (whoever the fuck you are).
To all the fucks who got the ringtone or play any of the associated useless shit, fuck you.

I hope you all fucking die.

Norfolk Island

2006-02-21T20:04:00.000+11:00

So they want independence? Fucking let them, I say. Fuck 'em, fuck 'em all, the inbred fucks. I say let then secede. Who in Australia will give a fuck? I'm sick of their fucking whinging. And without those asshats, the average IQ of the nation can only be well into three figures (that's how fucking dopey they are). And without Commonwealth welfare their economy is fucked in the arse - like in so many hushed up rapes. I support their fucking shitty lifestyle (and their mega-shitty phonebooks).

So hurry up and fuck off, Norfolk. Go back to your fucking Bounty, or whatever shithole you climbed off.

Trendy-pretentious fuck

2006-02-20T20:36:00.000+11:00

He gets on the train, fucking sits next to me. He is dressed all in black, faux cargo pants. Ear pierced many many times. He looks unkempt, scruffy, with some slight stubble. He smells of mull.

Then, the fucking final straw. I saw him reading the book Exetensialism from Dostoevsky to Satre. Seriously. I should fucking roll you, you prententious fucking Jean-Paul. Kant would call it my fucking catergorical imperative.

Fucking talk?

2006-02-19T20:39:00.000+11:00

"Coming over?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure"

Great. So you come over. Late. Way fucking late. So we chat. And fucking chat. And fucking chat.

Inane shit too. That's not what you're here for - soaking up my time with inane shit. Substantial shit always wlecome, but inane shit? Fuck off with that. I think the pretence I came up with for you to fuck off was welcome by us both. Fuck.

The "Big Fella's" service

2006-02-17T10:11:00.000+11:00

Nothing to do with the man himself, but this fucking tribute shit is getting out of hand. I haven't been able to watch Channel 9, the TV station he owned, without watching every fucking asshat on that channel collectively wank over their departed "dear leader." If I was rich and powerful I don't think I'd want a fucking clown like Richard Wilkins to even breath, let alone express an opinion on my death.

Those fucking asshats have an excuse; he owned them and their souls. What shits me most is the fucking pitiful cocksucking exercise from that little "big fella" Howard. Why is public money being spent on a state service for a bloke, who whilst doing good things, was essentially a rich bloke getting fucking richer. State funded funerals and services should essentially be for national heroes or legends. Weary Dunlop deserves one, and you'd expect Dawn Fraser would get one too, and rightly so despite the fact all she does is fucking whinge these days about not being loved enough.

But the effort the federal government mind you (who very rarely flip the bill for this shit) is much more than for anyone else I can remember. Checkout some of the shit that they are getting up to suck some fucking schlong:

"the Federal Government requested flags be flown at half-mast all day in NSW from "all buildings and establishments occupied by Australian Government departments and affiliated agencies". The State Government was requested to take part and agreed."

"members of the public also invited to register their attendance on a phone line set up by the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet."

What the fuck? We're paying for a fucking phone hotline for this? Howard, good to see you're still sucking on Packer family cock, you fuckwit.

Fuckwit in the Pulsar

2006-02-16T23:29:00.000+11:00

As i was walking home today, a rather odd thing happened. About to cross a road at a T intersection (walking parallel to the main road, crossing the smaller one) I waited for a car to drive out the way, making the turn into the main road. As is my custom, I proceeded to walk accross, ignoring the next car waiting to turn as well. After all I have right of way, and they can get fucked.

As I was crossing this other car shot up to the main road to wait an oppurtunity to turn - missing me by a little but I could see the fuck coming so just avoided his car. I made my crossing, passing just to the back of the car, brushing it on the way through.

As I was about to finish my crossing the driver of this car stuck his head out the window and started to abuse me. Why did I whack his car, he asked, with some invective thrown in. Aparently my large bag, slung over my shoulder, whacked his shitty little car on the way through.

I didn't really react. A shitty Pulsar isn't worth the hassle. The most shocking thing is the fact he expected to be taken seriously driving it. Fuck you, you Pulsar asshat. Fuck you.

Paul McCartney

2006-02-06T20:58:00.000+11:00

Would you fucking die now? Or at least shut your fucking yap. Every time I hear you these days it is basically one big wank about you and your Beatles past. Most of your original fans are probably dead anyway. This morning I saw you interviewed by god's own fuckwit, Richard Wilkins. That is how I knew you'd hit rock fucking bottom.

Blogger

2006-02-05T16:10:00.000+11:00

Why is this blg never fucking featured on the main page? What are you afraid of, Blogger? That people can't handle a harsh does of reality? That they won't be able to cope with a fucking blog that doesn't go "happy, happy, yay for everything!" but one that t confronts them with how fucked up the world truly is? Or is it because I keep teaching your spellchecker "naughty" words?

Fucking weak.

Tony Grieg

2006-02-05T16:02:00.000+11:00

Shut the fuck up, you biased fuck. Your fucking dribble is becoming more and more unpalitable. Come out and call yourself a fucking South African. I doubt you have the fucking guts to renounce your Australian citizenship in favour of a South African one. Admit it, the Proteas make you all wet down there, don't they?

The old MCG crowds were fucking right, Tony is a wanker.

Personalised number plates, Revisited

2006-02-03T22:47:00.000+11:00

A new fucking low for humanity. But not an hour ago I spoted one of the worst fucking ones yet. What the fuck was it, you ask? Tripr. That's fucking right, fucking Tripper; minus a p and an r. Obviously cokhed was taken.

Where the fuck is this world going?

The spelling of February

2006-02-01T18:49:00.000+11:00

What the fuck is that r after the b doing? Fuck, seriously. Maybe it isn't a big deal, but fuck it, why is it there? Fucked if I ever pronounce it, so why isn't this month spelt the same as fucking January?

Government advertising

2006-01-30T20:26:00.000+11:00

Stop pissing my money up the fucking wall. I'm fucking sick of hearing how you're building a "World class Victoria." For starters, there's only one of us anyway, so we're fucking world class as it is. Secondly, you're fucking meant to do it anyway. That's your jobs.

You promised us most of this shit anyway. More cops, nurses, doctors and fucking teachers were all things we put in power for in the first place. Now they are done, stop wanking your cock by fucking telling us what you just did, asshats. Also, if I see one more fucking ad about the new "Southern Cross Station" I'll fucking take a shit on the steps of Parliament. Who cares if some country yokal spastic from Yapeet now has a new fucking interchange? You bollixed it up anyway, fuckwtits.

Didn't you fucking have a go at the last mob for fucking with my money like this? Stop being a pale imitation of the fuckheads you replaced.

Personalised numberplates

2006-01-28T18:53:00.000+11:00

Pure wank. Almost all of them are fucking shite. Like when someone has fucktard shit such as "suzn7"; how pathetic is that? They weren't good enough to suzan, or susan boxter or even suzn1-6. They were so fucking desperate they went to suzn7. Middle class wankers. But today, I saw one take the fucking cake.

I was driving along, minding my own fucking business, when I saw one of those mega-gay BMW four wheel drives. But what fucking struck me most was the number plate: "THE". Just "THE"; no other characters. "The" what? I thought. No fucking explanation. Just "THE". The biggest fucking knob in the universe obviously.

I wanted to ram the car. I should have rammed the fucker. However I couldn't sacrifice my car to such a fucking wanker; its the moral victory they'd want.

There has only ever been one really good private number plate - "Chooks". It fucking says it all.

Prince of Apathy

2006-01-26T14:16:00.000+11:00

So some kid got a fucking name. Good for him. However, why o why do we, the fucking people of the world outside Denmark, need to give a fuck? Royal families can get fucked; news about them can fucking get fucked even more so. Fucking Australian media all going ape shit again about some kid who doesn't give a fuck about you. Will you finally tug so fucking hard over him your cocks will actually come off when he passes a turd "in the shape of/resembling" the late Princess Di or Bradman?* Cover some real fucking news you fucking cockheads.

* I can see the fucking headlines now; "Young prince's moving tribute to his Aussie heritage"

James Hopes

2006-01-24T20:51:00.000+11:00

For fuck's sake, why?

Work colleagues, spastics

2006-01-23T20:51:00.000+11:00

Well, its been a long fucking time, I know. In fact I doubt there is anyone left to read this - not that if fucking matters. This shit don't deserve to be read. But like my poota I've been down then up and hopefully this fucking poota will stay up so I can get ragin' again, damfuckit.

I got wonderfully relaxed over the Chrissy break. Primarily this is due to the fucking wonders of binge drinking - high recommended if you can fucking handle it. So relaxed I wasn't even angry, at anything.

That lasted a whole of 30 minutes once I was back at work. If that. Why? My work colleagues can be, or perhaps more accurately, are, fucking spastics. Couldn't fucking save themselves if they were an auto-saving word file, the fucking tools. Fuckwits, (almost) the lot of them. And next time the fucker behind me falls asleep and starts to snore he is fucked.

Fuck, this is cathartic.

Computer Problems

2005-12-10T12:44:00.000+11:00

Fucking computers. Why can't the fuckers work all the time??? Too fucking hard it seems. So anyway, I haven't been able to fucking post much because my poota has been up shit creek, with not much of a paddle. Fucking annoying, let me tell you. Hopefully the Blog of Rage will be back on air with a little more regularity soon.

Loud sex in my apartment block

2005-11-26T16:00:00.000+11:00

Really, I don't mind a bit of fucking - not at all. But keep the fucking volumn down. I dont want to have to open my door to be fucking confronted by an assult of high pitched moaning. Especially when hungover at 8 in the fucking morning on a fucking Saturday.

Actually it wasn't so fucking bad. But it was the third "voice" that threw me.

Least it made me stop and fucking realise I'd almost forgotten my keys.

This dumb, inaccurate, fucktard

2005-11-22T21:51:00.000+11:00

I was fucking reading through my favourite thread, here, a fuckwit trap without parallel, when I see some anonymous wankstain (down near the bottom) put forth this shite:

"And would you like to insult England anymore? It's not like you live here, or anything. I think it says more about you that you're sanctioning what the terrorists did to us. How would you feel if something like that happened in Australia?"

Where the fuck did I endorse terrorism? Or the bombings in London? Go on, fucking show us all where I condoned those bombings? I have no truck with those cunt suicide bombers, like this fucking tool, who decided to detonate themselves this past July. And I've fucking said so.

So listen you fucking tard, have the guts to put your name to your fucking libel. Or come up with some fucking proof.

Rove McManus

2005-11-19T21:53:00.000+11:00

Fucking die you fag. Now.

Mark Nicholas

2005-11-19T17:51:00.000+11:00

Just stop fucking pretending you're one of us. Your fucking fancy toff words like "crackerjack" and shit tend to give it away. Your fucking commentary is not bad, but you fuck it up with your pittiful fucking attempts to Australianise it. In fact, just fuck off; no one here likes you.

Sir John Kerr, drunkard

2005-11-18T22:31:00.000+11:00

For my final post of this comeback day, I'd like to say a few words about one Gough Whitlam, the fucker on the right. I've never told anyone before but he helped inspire the name for this fucking shite blog. His call on the steps of Old Parliament House to "maintain the rage" gave rise to this being called The Blog Of Rage. It is a fucking week late, but here is my saute to the 30th anniversary of the Dismissal.

But for our friends from lands abroad, a bit of fucking background. Gough Whitlam was the 22nd Prime Minister of this country. Many consider him the greatest Prime Minister this country ever had. Some do not. But anyway, a constitutional crisis erupted when the then Governor General, Sir John Kerr (the fucker on the left) sacked the Prime Minister as if he was some fucking deity. For you see, kiddies, back when Queen Victoria was our Sovereign (and the best fucking one we ever had) the framers of our constitution left this grey area, in which the traditional god like powers of the monarchs of yore were left unclarified and not explicitly defined.

These powers became known as "the Reserve Powers" - a type of break glass in case of fucking emergency deal. So I think - I'm only an amateur constitutionalist. I think its cos back then the Queen was cool and people thought she flew round in a chariot pulled by winged unicorns and shoot lightening from her eyes and shit like that. Way better than the current fucker. Shit, what an educational post this is turning out to be.

Anyway, in 1975 the Senate fucking well blocked supply. The government was fucking broke. Egged on by the then opposition leader, and fueled by his massive sense of fucking grandeur, Sir John Kerr sacked the elected government and fucking replaced it. This became known as the dismissal. Thirty years on almost everyone, except for a few fuckwits, view Kerr's actions as fucked up.

Apart from this Dismissal, Sir John was only fucking famous for being drunk in public and slurring his speech - often.

So fuck you Sir John (Wayne) Kerr. Fuck you and all your little historical revisionist defenders.

Softcock Sydney

2005-11-18T21:52:00.000+11:00

Maybe 200,000 people turned up in Melbourne yesterday to protest against some fucking new IR laws. Maybe even more. You can't see them all in this photo but fucking trust me - there was a shit load of people. I know because I was fucking well there. I didn't go so much because I was deeply committed to the cause, but just to check it all out. I suspect I wasn't the only fucking one.

Unlike in Sydney. Despite having some fucking half a million more people than Melbourne, maybe even more all they could get was a pissy 40,000. Fucking weak. But I'd expect nothing less than that from the fucking cesspit that is Sydney. You see gentle readers, Sydney likes to think it is cool and world class. One of the so called fucking "it" places in the globe.

I could pick the fucking city apart all night if I wanted to, but I wont. Instead, I'll make one fucking point. In Melbourne you'd get 20 people to the opening of a tin can. Fucking 50 if it was a can of beer - they just love being at stuff and getting involved. In fucking Sydney town, they will only go to an event to be seen, or they think it is cool, even if they have no fucking idea what is going on. They wouldn't even turn up to their own life saving operation if the fashionistas weren't doing it in London or New York. Black skivvy wearing turds.

In short, you're a bunch of fucking wanna wankers; the fucking lot of you. Go back to your fucking "mardi-gras".

People who demand I post

2005-11-18T21:39:00.000+11:00

Fuck, what am I to you people? Some sort of fucking trained seal? Or a little fucking dog that can do tricks on command? For fuck's sake - I can't pull DSL connectivity out of my arse. I'd post at work but that would take away from my net browsing time - a man's got to have some fucking priorities. Besides, I tend to just abuse my co-workers at work and have little fucking rage left for this shitty little blog. So there, put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.

But having said that, all is forgiven. The narcissistic buzz of an audience is but too fucking heady a potion to ignore. Fucking ego. Can I have my fish now? (claps flippers)

The Mad One

2005-11-14T14:52:00.000+11:00

Where's the rage, you softcock wanker? You've said fuck all for two weeks now. Pull yer fucking finger out, fuckwit.

On a more serious note, yes, I have been a tad fucking quiet of late. Blame the fucks at Optus for that - two weeks to get DSL connected, what fucking shite. But it is good to see all my loyal readers not give a fuck, except for Leftange, who I must conclude was bored completely shitless one day and demanded more misdirected anger.

So yes, this silence has been a fucking disgrace but when I become fully intergrated into this intermanet thing once again, which should be real soon now, I will be back, laying the fuck down on everything that walks or crawls that I can be arsed typing about.

Until then, fuck the world.

Irish whinging

2005-10-29T21:35:00.000+10:00

Fuck, if I haven't found a bunch of whingers bigger than Kevin P i e t e r s e n fans: the Irish media. Funny how you fucks never whinge about the International Rules rules/games when you're winning. But now you're fucking shite we get headlines like "Aussies break the rules" from the Irish Times. Yes Johnson's tackle was high, dangerously so. But to turn that into some sort of sustained "brutal attack" on the sons of Eire, who quite frankly went down faster than the shitheap Titanic, is bad losing at it's finest.

And the other two dipshits that he decked had it coming. These would be "hard men" fucking well should have realised that compared to professional footballers who can afford to spend four hours a day in a gym rather than have to milk their cows or distil potatos into Whiskey to support their 12 kids (cheers, Popes) they were always going to be a bit pissweak.

Anyone who watch the game would have seen just as many high tackles laid by Irish players, especially when unfamiliar with the methods of evasion used by Aussie Rules players. This shit happens. Have a fucking donnybrook, throw in a leveller, and move on. Unlike fucktard Pete McGrath, who whinged non-stop, probably to distract the Irish sporting public from the fact he is completely fucking shit at his job so he can slip back into the country without being fucking stoned to death. What a fucking ponce.

Cancel the fucking series if you want. No one here gives a fuck. Just mean more room in the sports sections for the Spring Carnival form guides.

In other Interational Rules beefs:

Timekeepers: It's fucking 20 minutes, no time on. How fucking hard is that to get right? Almost bloody impossible, aparently.
Umpires/Referees/whatever they're fucking called: FUCKEN FUCK! I know you're from fucking different countries and all but is it possible to be fucking consistant? Could you actually read the fucking rules AND fucking comprehend them. That fucking Irish umpire was the worst: seemed to make up new interpretations every few mintues. Dickhead.
Gary Lyon: this proves your "coaching" was shit. Move on, cockhead.
Dustin Fletcher: Still a lanky turn, but yer made me eat my fucking words. Yer did good, son.

Hasib Hussain

2005-10-26T20:48:00.000+10:00

I thought it'd pass, but fuck, I'm still pissed off with you. Big fucking time. I dream of being able to kick your severed, ugly, turd of a head around like a football. I'd like to gouge out your fucking eyes and piss in your useless skull. Sadly you'll never read this, but I'd like to think that the last thing that went through your shitty blown up head, apart from the shockwave and shrapnel was the sound of someone like me saying:

"Fuck you, Hasib Hussain. Fuck you."

Bills

2005-10-24T20:06:00.000+10:00

Fucking bills. There's $1700 gone on fucking bills in a day. Fuck...just like that. Now I am poor.

Fuck off bills.

Four Wheel Drives that don't go off road

2005-10-22T21:02:00.000+10:00

Sucm of the earth. If you drive a 4WD and never take it off road then you are one of the biggest fucking cockheads to walk the earth. Fuck you. Fuck you all.

You're all cunts anyway. Big cars and small cocks. There is no reason to have such wankmobiles if you're not taking them off the fucking road. Just burn up the world's oil why don't you? As long as you can take your spoilt kids to whatever shit you fucking toffs go to in style. Don't worry about blocking normal people's view of the road ahead. As long as you fucks can be above all us common folk. And don't fucking worry about cutting me of, you fucktards. I'll just have to learn to predict your fucking stupidity.

I hope you flip your wankmobiles onto their roofs. Then the roofs collapse and catch alight. And then you burn. And fucking die.

Dustin Fletcher

2005-10-21T22:52:00.000+10:00

Do you know why you're called a goal keeper, you spastic fuck? Because you're meant to guard the fucking goals, fucktard. That doesn't involve running down the wings like a lanky turd, leaving the fucking goals unguarded. It also means being able to kick out without turning the fucking thing over. Get it?

Worst fucking goalkeeper ever for this country in this joke of a "sport." Yes, just as bad as fucking Goodwin's lame effort. And that is a fucking disgrace. Three goals in one night? Kellaway conceeded less than that in two series, you fucking chump.

If you love this country you'll do it a favour and fucking die.

ICC World XI

2005-10-19T19:43:00.000+10:00

Two words: Fucking disgrace. Flintoff looked like he rather be anywhere else. Can't fucking blame him to be honest. But the rest of yers, for the amount your gettign paid you should at least have a fucking crack. I didn't blow almost fucking $70 to watch you lot not give a shit! Sure, the matches were meaningless shite but still at least look fucking interested.

Case in point: Australian takes a wicket, every teammate immediately runs to him to simmulate poo-sex or what not and try and fit the the whole team in a small as space as possible.

World XI take a wicket. The bowler looks mildly pleased. The rest of the fucking team slowly wander to somewhere near the pitch and maybe offer a fucking clap or something. Probably just to waste time until the next batsman came in.

Still, it's not all the players fault. Fucking selectors: what the fuck were you thinking? Lara ain't playing one-dayers. Dravid couldn't get a hurry on to save his fucking life. And Shoaib, a lot of fucking funas he may be, isn't the most economical of bowlers going round.

I can see the test and ODIs being stripped of official status some time in the future. The whole concept should be fucking shot.

Princess Mary II

2005-10-19T19:21:00.000+10:00

No, there isn't another one, thank fuck.

But it seems like I'm not the only person who is fucking sick of all this fuss over the royal family of some other shithole. Have a butchers at the work of some witty would be sub-editor. Wit aside, s/he has a fucking excellent point. Fucking media going ape-shit over a fucking press conference in Danish. And fuck me, who knew that a prince could drive a car? Shit! Let's cover it. It was even on the fucking ABC, for fuck's sake. There are no standards anymore.

And focus on "Our Mary" (what a fucking laugh - where's her Aus citizenship, eh?) just leads to this sort of shit. With wankers like "an alleged" thief getting their nearly crim arse on our TVs. Burrell yer cockhead, enough with the crocodile tears and the fucking "me and Di" stories. No one gives a shit.

Princess Mary

2005-10-16T12:40:00.000+10:00

Another for the Big Fuckin Whoppie collection. Some woman fucks the right guy, gets a "Royal Danish" bun in the oven, pops it out and now she is a fucking hero? Fuck off. Would someone please fucking tell me why the fuck is this such big fucking news? Who really gives a fuck, eh? Sure, she isn't bad looking for a royal. If she was a member of the British Royal family she'd be the hottest by some way. But how does her pumping out a sprog affect my life? Fuck all.

Now, this isn't so much an attack on her, let me point out. Fuck no. It is an attack on every fucking media outlet that considers this worthy of so much fucking attention. There is only one fucking word for it - Over-fucking-kill. 30,000 Pakistani's may be dead but they get fuck all attention compared to this. If she were fucking assasinated instead, that'd be worth some attention.

I blame all the dead-eyed suburbanite women who live their lives vicariously through shit like this. Listen up: Your too fucking ugly to marry a prince so get back to fucking reality.

I'm tipping this post may be even more fucking contriversial than my attack on P i e t e r s e n ' s gaylord hair. That is if the Mary fans know how to put down their No Ideas and use a fucking computer.

Alcohol induced memory balckouts

2005-10-15T15:54:00.000+10:00

Scary fucking things. How the fuck did I end up at Carrum station last night? I struggle to remeber getting on the train - let alone the rest of the fucking journey.

And yet, I ended up with an extra $20 in my wallet I can't fucking account for. Fucking weird shit.

Captain Morgan

2005-10-15T15:35:00.000+10:00

Drink resonsibly? What the fuck? I didn't read that on the bottle last night!!! Where the fuck were you, skipper? Maybe, if you'd been there instead of fucking your parrot I wouldn't have got so completely fucking trashed.

You have to be one of the gayest looking drink logos fucking ever. By a long fucking way.

Also, you taste fucking shite.

Boston Public

2005-10-06T23:35:00.000+10:00

What the fuck is this shit? I turn on in the hope of some Tour of Duty and I see this fucking gay shite. I hated fucking high school - I don't think I am alone. Who the fuck wants to watch a show based on school? Fuck that. And such fucking annoying pricks too -that mega fat black fuck shits me right off. Alpha woman? Alpha fuckwit, more like it.

Tour of Duty has an excuse for being on at 11:00pm or later - its nigh on 20 years old. Boston Public is just fucking shit.

The AFL Fixture, 2006

2005-10-04T18:31:00.000+10:00

Fuck you, AFL Administrators. Fuck you.

You will fucking burn in hell for this outrage. This fixture is completely and utterly fucked!

Fucking Beached whale with legs

2005-10-02T14:12:00.000+10:00

Dear Fucking Beached Whale,

Sure, it's been some time since I've had to be near you and you can probably tell that I didn't fucking like much, cos your a fucking whinger. But to not even turn your head when I say hello (I was trying to be civil, like) and be the fucking bitch you always were...well that is beyond the fucking pale. So I am writing to tell you to get fucked, because it is official - I fucking hate your arse (also, the rest of you). Even your own fucking boyfriend spent more time with me than you (and then you come down with a "headache"...a fucking sulk by any other name...).

Really, I shouldn't be surprised. After all, you are fucking English...

Having to avoid being hypocrytical

2005-10-01T00:39:00.000+10:00

So much shit needs going over, but because of some stupid moral fucking stance I made some time ago I can't call a spade a fucking shovel. Should private grievances between mates be fucking aired in public on a blog? Fucking tempting...very fucking tempting. Fucking moral high ground shit!

This fucking pisses me off. All those fucks with their dodgy behaviour shit I can't fucking go! Fucken Fuck!

The defenders of Kevin P i e t e r s e n's hair

2005-09-30T21:50:00.000+10:00

AKA fucking pommy whinger turds.

"If you're English, fuck off!"

(Apparently if you attack anything to do with Kevin P i e t e r s e n you get a whole bunch of pom spazzos coming out saying he's hot and they want to fuck him and shit like that).

I used to respect fucking England and, for the most part, the English. Generally, most Australians of Anglo Saxon descent had a love-hate relationship with them. They are fucking scum sometimes but they were a billion times better than Seppo turds and played cricket and were a lot of fun., maybe. Anyway, decent chaps all round, for fucking Englishmen.

But, fuck, if I haven't had my eyes opened recently just how fucked the English can be. Check out some of the fucking tossers here who posted in response to Kevin P i e t e r s e n's hair being fucking shit. What a bunch of sad fucks. All from the country that gave birth to the English language. Fucking pitiful. Only one or two could rise above the level of being pommy skiving fucks like the fat fuck above or fucking illiterate chav dogs.

Seriously, type proper fucking sentences and come up with better comments or get fucked.

Fuckers who use poor l337 speak.

2005-09-24T00:01:00.000+10:00

Thanks to some pommy fuck for pissing me off on this.

Wandering over some comments I had the pleaseure of seeing some semi-literate fucktard write this:

"he is amazin wtf r u on bout!"

Is it fucking 2001 again? Haven't we moved on from thinking gay shit like wtf, omg, and lol, especially fucking lol, were cool and hip? Are you so hooked on fucking SMSs that you can no longer speak or type in proper fucking Engish, you addled fuckwits? How fucking hard is it to type "are you"? Is your G key missing? Too fucking hard for some chav fuckers, obviously.

That or too busy being another teenaged mum.

P0/\/\/\/\`/ f[_](|\3rs n +ur|)2, ph34r /\/\'/ 1337n3ss, /\/\4ng!!!!1111!!! LOL!!!!

OMG, The Mad One, that iz, like, wtf izzit, dat iz fucked.

Stating the fucking obvious.

2005-09-22T20:52:00.000+10:00

(and no, this fucking post is not an attempt to put up a pic of a hot bit of tottie).

Dermie is a fag. Supermodels do blow.

Shocking news? No...Fucking shite! This fucking bru-ha-ha over Kate fucking Moss isn't news; it's a fucking waste of time. I think this guy says it best. Big fucking woopie, as TISM would say.

I mean, who really gives a fuck?

Problems with Trivia Nights

2005-09-19T14:27:00.000+10:00

Music rounds featuring gay old shit are for fucking geriatrics.

Still worse, "bonus" points for spastic gay shit like dancing or the limbo only aid teams full of fuckwits.

Anonymous Bot commenters

2005-09-11T20:22:00.000+10:00

Hi,

I found your comments by accident. I've ignored them. I have a site that covers dog sodomy vomit shoe fuck. It pretty much covers how I am going to rip your fucking heads off.

Bot comments, get fucked.

Richard Fucking Carleton

2005-09-11T20:15:00.000+10:00

Your faux sympathy makes me fucking sick, you plagarising bastard. Carleton, you're a fuckwit.

Chartered Accountants and their ad

2005-09-11T14:02:00.000+10:00

One fucking thing I won't miss when this Ashes series is over, along with shots of fat English fucks in the crowd, is the gayest ad of all: that Charted Accountants numbers shit.

I was really considering getting a fucking chartered accountant to help out with my business a couple of months ago. Really, I was. Because numbers are important, y'know? But fuck it. Those chartered accountants can get fucked. I'm getting a fucking CPA instead - they don't bore me shitless with gaybo ads.

So Chartered Accountants: your ads are fucked.

Blokes wearing pink shirts

2005-08-31T21:06:00.000+10:00

What the fuck is going on? Pink shirts being fashionable for men? Yet another sign this country is going down the fucking drain? Metrosexual? Just another way of saying fucking loose-arsed "happy" guy. You fucking candy-boy arse-fuckers.

Midgets with Umbrellas

2005-08-31T20:22:00.000+10:00

I'm sick of my eyes being almost poked out by fucking midgets with umbrellas. Fucking little people - never seem to remember that us normal people have eyes too. It's not like you deserve to stay dry; that's why God punished you with being a fucking midget. Why can't you fucking watch where you're going you short-arsed fucks?

Punter, whats the fuck is going on?

2005-08-26T23:45:00.000+10:00

I'm an unabashed fan of your batting, Punter. I love your batting.

But your captaincy this series has left me less than fucking impressed. Letting fucking Flintoff make a ton? Letting Pissiant Jones make a big score? For fucks sake, give your quicks a fucking slip or two! Fucken fuck!

Rage

2005-08-26T22:20:00.000+10:00

Fuck it's hard being pissed off all the time. Dear world, fire me up or get fucked.

Kevin P i e t e r s e n

2005-08-26T21:49:00.000+10:00

Your hair is fucked. Pick a colour and fucking well stick to it. You look like an arse-fucker.

Update: Aparently his name is spelt P i e t e r s e n - yeah fucking spaces and all. All references from this point on will use that spelling. Thanks to some anonymous English fuck for pointing that out.

Simon Hughes, you're fucking annoying

2005-08-25T20:43:00.000+10:00

Dear Simon,

I don't like being interrupted by whinny fucks while watching the cricket. Especially annoying fucks that serve no fucking purpose. Your oh-so insightful wastes of time tend to be one or more of the following:

Blindingly fucking obvious
Fucking useless
Make no sense, what-so-fucking-ever

So please do me a favour, eat your microphone and fucking die. Yozzer, you're a fuck.

24/7

2005-08-24T21:04:00.000+10:00

Sup, G?

I'll tell you what's fucking up, "G", and that's the fucking wave of Seppo shite infiltrating our wide brown land. 24/7? When the fuck did that become "valid"? When I was a kid we wouldn't say shit like 24/7 - whatever happened to "All day, every day" or "24 hours a day, 7 days a week"? Too fucking simple for you, Seppo turds? Well, fucked if I'm putting up with 24/7, so kiss my 8/5 arse.

Word, fucktards.

Blogger's spellchecker

2005-08-21T20:36:00.000+10:00

Listen up: the words wanker, dickhead, fuck, fucker, fucked fuckwit, fuckhead, and fucktard are perfectly acceptable. Stop suggesting pissy alternatives and when I hit learn I expect you to fucking well learn. Comprende? Nothing but a clusterfuck.

Connex you sneaky fucks

2005-08-21T20:33:00.000+10:00

Who left you fucks in charge of the train system? Swap fucking platforms on me, will you? Lucky I didn't miss my train, which surprise, fucking surprise, was late. An announcement would have been a fucking good idea, fuckheads.

Andrew "Littlest fuck" Maher

2005-08-20T18:24:00.000+10:00

A little picture for a little man.

Just fuck off you little midget fucktard.

Gary Lyon

2005-08-19T22:57:00.000+10:00

You're a fucking tool. If you can't see the most obvious of free kicks then your not only a fat fuck, but a dumb fat fuck. Do Australia a favour and shut the fuck up. No one really gives much weight to your shit anyway. And you fucking know it.

Apparently your favourite movie is One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. No suprises there. It reminds you of your fucked up self.

Also Goddard, you are a useless fuckwit.

VP Day my arse!

2005-08-19T20:10:00.000+10:00

What's this VP Day bullshit? I'm not having a go at the ANZACs or their allies who slew the yellow hordes. I''m getting stuck into this fucking political correctness shit. Now, I wasn't there - that is true - but I'm pretty fucking sure that 60 years ago this country went fucking berko for VJ Day! That's right, Victory over Japan day! Cos lets face it, we fucked those Jap fuckwits good. We gave those fucking Nips what fucking for; and they know it.

So why do we need to go reinvent fucking history for, eh? So we don't hurt no Nippers feelings, eh? Fuck them. The had it fucking coming; A-bomb and all (in abstract - the unlucky fuckers that got nuked are a bit hard done by). So lets call a spade a fucking spade and tell it like it fucking well is. I bet the whales will agree. Revisionism is fucked.

Fat Fuck, Revisited

2005-08-19T19:51:00.000+10:00

I didn't think you could sink any fucking lower. But you fucking well did. What did I see you with coming home today? The fucking iPod blaring shitty 80s music?, No thank fuck, for you were sans that. Instead, you chose to cloth yourself in a NSW Thugby league top. You fucking piece of lowlife scum. Fuck off back to Gayville with that shit.

If I see you again, I'm going to call in some Japs to get all "scientific" on your fat fucking arse. So cop that you fucker.

Apologies

2005-08-18T21:56:00.000+10:00

Fucking apologies. How dare you fucking apologise! I mean, how the fuck am I mean to justify my unjustifiable rage if you take away my reason to be pissed?! Fucking hell. It's just not fucking fair, I tells ya. When someone apologises for any hurt they may have caused, and unilaterally whatsmore, any anger and posts they create just seem fucked. So KW, I gratefully acknowledge your apology and in response I apologise to you and everyone else targetted by my overreaction, fuckit.

Fucking nobility. Fucking feelgood endings. All for the fucking best I suppose. Ahh...fuck.

Fat Fuck on the 5:27

2005-08-17T20:50:00.000+10:00

Dear Mega Fat Fuck,

I just want to catch the train home in fucking peace. Playing your music so fucking loud people can sing along does not make you some fucking L337 turd or any fucking cooler. One of these days someone is going to take your iPod headphones and use then to fucking strangle you. And your fucking 80s music sucks shit.

Also, your DD man-boobs make me fucking sick. Fucking die, you fuck.

Netspace, I'm fucking looking at you

2005-08-17T14:07:00.000+10:00

Fix my fucking internet connection you fucks! Before I fucking punch your light (bulb)s out. Chop fucking chop! Fuck.

Hasib Hussain

2005-08-14T21:01:00.000+10:00

I've been waiting to give you a good fucking going over for some time now, and I've finally found the platform to do it with - a meaningless blog. Listen and listen good you little fucktard: isn't it bad enough you had to be some fucking big shot suicide bomber but then you had to go hit the wrong fucking target? I mean, fuck!

Maybe in your little Madrasa primary school you skipped the Transport is fun classes so you could smoke down the back of the oval or tug off and just spent your time going to the A B C Suicide Bombers classes because they were more fun. But how fucking hard is it to tell a fucking train from a fucking bus? If you've been assigned to do the fucking job on a train then fucking do it right, fuck.

I hope they decide to put whatever fucking remains exist of you on trial. Just so I have the pleasure of watching you pathetically attempt to cover your decapitated head as you are shepherded into court with a jacket or something. And then you could go to jail and be fucking raped as your head becomes someone's bitch. All that before your pathetic existence is finished by a good old fucking shanking, with a nice spiv thrust in your ear. That or a stylish re-enactment of the shower scene from American History X. Fucking oath.

I feel sorry for your family because for the rest of their life they have to live with the fucking knowledge that they were related to a fucking tool like you. Fuck you Hasib Hussain. Fuck you in a big fucking way. Just fuck.

Connex = fucked in the head

2005-08-14T18:34:00.000+10:00

Couldn't organise a fucking pissup in a fucking brewery, you fucking knobs. Another typical Sunday night fuckup at Spencer Street. Why tell people to catch a train to Flinders Street when the next train to TheMadOneLand is going through fucking Spencer Street anyway? And then two virtually empty Sandringham trains before one on my line. Fucking hopeless.

Obviously you're too busy looking after fucking Humpty Dumpty to look after regular fuckwits like me. I feel sorry for your staff who have to deal with those fuckwits that don't have the patience to go home and blog their rage, and instead turn on them.

You're lucky I got a fucking seat, or I would have gone through all you fucking corporate arses. Fuck.

Fucking cocktail night...

2005-08-14T10:15:00.000+10:00

Here is a "shout out" to all the fucktards who think I should have missed my brother's birthday part to attend some football club cocktail night. Get some fucking priorities you fuckwits. Or stop wanking each other to reinforce your point of view. Yeah...fuck.

Andrew Flintoff, fuckwit

2005-08-14T00:37:00.000+10:00

Dear Andrew,

It's clear you're a bit fucked up. Was it too many ciggarette burns into your head? You know, those black marks in your hair? But anyway, your fuckedness is evident by your cocksucker wide mouth and dickhead finger/hand movements when you take a wicket. So here is a little finger and hand movement even someone of your limited cranial capacity should understand:

Cop that, you fuckhead.

Drunk fucks waking you up

2005-08-13T20:39:00.000+10:00

A shitty thing happened to me Monday night. There I was, trying to get to sleep on Monday night so I can regain my place as a cog in the giant machine, working for the man, when some drunken smart arse decides to SMS me, real casual like. And not over anything important either; he was pissed and thought it would be funny to wake someone up. So I tell him, politely of course, to get fucked. If only it was that, my friend, if only.

What does he fucking do? Send me another SMS, this time more abusive. Fine, whatever fuckhead. But to top it all off he tries to ring me, and failing to get onto me, decides to leave an abusive message on my voicemail. Nice move, dickhead. Now this stuff can happen. A wanna be alcoholic gets trashed and attempts to use modern communication to let the world know. No huge surprise. But a fucking apology would be nice.

Instead, like any fucking little self serving technorati wanker of the modern fucked up age, upon listening to my grievence he blogs about it. Well listen up and listen up good, son. Leaving my phone on does not justify your fucking abuse.

If you weren't one of my best mates I'd fucking have ya.

Fuck.

Update: The "drunken smart arse" has, with great nobility and grace, unilatterally apologised. As such I am left with no option but to withdraw the attack and apologise for any offence my "rebuttal" had caused. He still might be a "technorati wanker of the modern fucked up age" but not over the entry originally in question, which has been deleted, just for blogging in general.